It Always Gets Darkest Before the Dawn

Haven't we all heard this phrase at some time or another in our lives? Whether coming from a movie, our parents or a trusted friend, we can all agree that generally speaking, life gets harder before it gets better.

These past few weeks have been a confirmation to me that this statement is true. As you know, I was super stressed, sick, and other such nonsense. Satan was doing his best to keep me down and strip away my hope. I felt beaten down, abandoned and utterly worthless. That is when the experience from my last post came into play. 

This weekend has been one giant miracle after another. I thought I understood God's love and willingness to answer prayers...I stand corrected. I have no idea!! In my last post, I talked about pleading for just a confirmation that God is aware of me and my situation. All I really wanted was the weight I felt crushing me to either be lifted or my strength increased. While I got that, I have also received so much more! My heart feels like it could just burst with joy! There are so many things going well in my life, I cannot believe I discounted any of them!

I can't really describe how joyous and merciful and utterly loving our Father in Heaven is. He wants to give us everything! Is there any wonder why it would seem like He would get frustrated with us when we sin? He knows we're better than that! He knows what we are capable of. He also is the most patient Being anywhere so He has the capacity to help us. How grateful I am that Heavenly Father loves me enough to let me learn for myself. How grateful I am for Jesus Christ and His Atoning sacrifice that made it possible for me to learn for myself instead of just repeatedly damming myself. Jesus Christ lives. He loves you. Remember who you are. Remember where you came from. Remember why YOU are here and where you are striving to go. Don't know the answers to these questions? I invite you to talk to two people. First, your Heavenly Father. Go to Him in prayer and I promise you, He will answer. Next, the missionaries. These young men and women have been called of God and set apart for this exact purpose! You can get in contact with them by talking to your local Mormon, or by visiting this website. Please go.

Now for those of you who do think you understand these questions, I invite you to speak with your Father in Heaven. Ask Him to confirm and teach you more on the subject. I promise you, He will open your eyes to greater knowledge and understanding, resulting in greater intelligence. Then share what you have learned with others. I'm cheating. I have a blog. :D Share it with your family, your neighbor, your close friend. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Don't be preachy, just be real. :) Thanks for reading everyone!

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

I had a moment today that I had to blog about.

As many of you are aware, I returned from serving as a full-time missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in August, 2012. Since that time, I've been in somewhat of a struggle to find my purpose to life now. When you're a missionary, everything is all planned out. You wake up, exercise, eat, study, teach/find, eat, teach/find some more, eat again, teach/find, plan, wind down, sleep, repeat. Since I've been home, my schedule is anything but planned or regular. I rarely know where I'm going to be and too often, I don't know what I'll be doing. I've learned that I like plans. I don't necessarily always follow the plan but I like to have one anyway. It keeps me focused.

Anyway, since my life has started to become a little planless, my life has started to feel like it is falling apart. Noisy, destructive thoughts came creeping in from the dark recesses of my mind. Light and joy was overshadowed with darkness, distress and a little bit of fear. Last night was when it all hit a climax. I was stressed beyond belief. On one hand, I welcomed the idea of locking myself in my room, never to emerge until all my problems vanished with simple passage of time. On the other hand, I was afraid to go home from visiting a close friend because I didn't want to fall into that trap of idleness and misery.

Soon I found myself back at home. I knew I needed to go to bed because it was late and I had class early in the morning. I woke up feeling those same doubts and stresses. My load was more than I could bear. In this moment of loneliness and despair, a quiet thought entered my mind. "Call on God." It wasn't anything I hadn't ever thought of before. It wasn't even something I hadn't really tried before. But this time, it was different. I sat on my bed and with tears streaming down my cheeks I pleaded with my Father in Heaven. I begged Him to remove doubt from my mind. I cried in agonizing supplication for forgiveness of myself as well as patience with myself for the weaknesses I was discovering almost hourly.

After this prayer, I stood up and dashed off to class. I had failed my midterm  for this class so I've been working extra hard to do better. I found myself able to better throw myself into the discussion, even though I had missed lecture earlier this week. Then I dashed off to Russian choir. I don't speak a lick of Russian. I joined for a friend. I found the pronunciation easier to get a grasp of and my patience in learning the notes of these unfamiliar hymns held fast. Then I ran like crazy to get to the MTC for a shift at work. I won't be able to work with my missionaries for the remainder of the week so I wanted a chance to see them today. As we practiced and experienced a meaningful study session, I felt the spirit warm my heart and calm my mind. "Everything will be okay, Shavonne. Like you said, I will never abandon you. You know that." The feeling that entered my heart next reminded me of an experience had by another. I felt like the sunshine had just poked through the clouds, warming my soul with it's light. I was directed to a scripture found in Matthew 5:6, which reads, "Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled." That was it! My life needed to be filled! Filled with what? Let's ask Jacob..."Come, my brethren, every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters; and he that hath no money, come buy and eat; yea, come buy wine and milk without money and without price.
Wherefore, do not spend money for that which is of no worth, nor your labor for that which cannot satisfy. Hearken diligently unto me, and remember the words which I have spoken; and come unto the Holy One of Israel, and feast upon that which perisheth not, neither can be corrupted, and let your soul delight in fatness." (2 Nephi 9:50-51)

Now I have a purpose. Now I have a goal. I needed to share this experience, so thank you for reading. I know my Savior lives, and that He loves me. God has restored His gospel in it's fullness to the earth. Without it, we cannot return to live with Him again. I love you. Thank you for being in my life.

Update on Life

While my thoughts are all very well, fine and dandy, I'm sure there are some out there who want to know where in the world I've been for the past month. Am I correct? Allow me to fill you in with broad brush strokes.

Last time I posted, I was hoping to do a running commentary of what I had done with the lessons learned in Elder Richard G. Scott's talk. I made it to about two posts then dropped off the grid. Since then, I have taken midterms in each of my classes, started the evaluation process at the Missionary Training Center, visited the ER, and had my blood drawn multiple times. There isn't much to say regarding my medical mishaps, mostly because I don't know. As for the evaluation process, I have been greatly humbled and put back into place. It was kind of silly of me to think I could do it on my own anyway.

My heart rejoices with the access technology gives us to those whom we love but are far from us. I have been able to skype good friends, chat with family, and learn more about the views and standpoints of loved ones overall. What an amazing age we live in! The Lord needed to hasten His work and what better way to do so than to connect almost the entire world together? I'm very grateful He did, because now I can keep better track of those I love and care about. :)

That's all I have today as far as life updates. Wishing all a happy and miraculous week.

Celebration of a Heritage

Hello hello and welcome back to the blog of great experiences! Happy St. Patrick's day to one and all!

Someone brought up in conversation today the pointless nature of St. Patrick's day for those of us who are not Catholic or Irish. What do we do with this holiday except wear green and try to find those who were less cautious? This question, though asked in passing without the intention of causing deeper thought, has caused me to reflect on a singular moment in my life where I learned about the power of one's heritage.

I had attempted to join a Native American hoop dancing team at BYU with the thought that it would be a fun activity to do with one of my friends. Unfortunately, I was only able to attend the practice once before my work schedule changed to have me work on the nights rehearsals were held. During my one-time attendance, we had a special moment where my friend stood up to explain the stripes on her hoops. She told about her Irish ancestry and how St. Patrick's day was one of the biggest holidays celebrated by her family. As I listened to her tell her stories about corned beef and cabbage, my stirred with a deeper desire to know and love my own family heritage and history.

So my answer to this question, "What is the point of St. Patrick's day if you're not Catholic or Irish?" is plainly this, this is a holiday for me to study my family heritage and wish my brother a very happy birthday. I begin this new annual tradition by starting my studies with myself. I will branch upward and outward every year.

My first name was brought overseas by my aunt from Ireland, almost 24 years ago. (Whoa! Weird to think I've almost reached a quarter of a century of life!). This name has held a lot of meaning for me over the years. It has been a symbol of missionary work. My last name was a gift from my father. This name has held a deep rooted meaning to me of hard work and cleverness.

I won't bore you with details of my family heritage, mostly because I simply haven't gathered that many details yet. ;) I do, however, know that there are those on the other side of the veil that are waiting to be discovered. They know us, their descendants and they love us for who we are. I want to find them and get to know them better.