"Individuals and families begin to follow Christ as they exercise faith in Him and repent of theirs sins. They receive a remission of sins through baptism and by receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost from one who has authority from God to perform these ordinances. They then endure to the end, or, in other words, they continue throughout their lives in exercising faith in Jesus Christ, repenting, and renewing the covenants they have made. These are not just steps that [I] experience once in [my life]; rather, when repeated throughout life these principles become an increasingly rewarding patter of living. In fact, it is the only way of living that will bring peace of conscience and enable Heavenly Father's children to return to live in His presence" (Preach My Gospel pg. 6 emphasis added).
I read this paragraph in a mock training meeting for applicants applying to be training coordinators at the MTC. When I read this, the italicized part really stuck out to me. These are NOT simply steps in the doctrine of Christ. These are, simply put, the way of life I am learning to master bit by bit. I'm finding that whenever my capability to learn and act increases, my trials and stress mount up like the tallest canyon walls trying to block my view. What is most amazing to me is the principle of pressing through. Remember how I mentioned in last post the difficulty of "pressing forward with a steadfastness in Christ"? To my understanding now, I am coming to realize that it has to be difficult. This is "good stress." It's healthy to have push back. It's not because I'm being punished for something. (Even if I were, punishment doesn't diminish with tears. It just gets sharper and more painful.) I am being taught from on high.
This next thought goes out to any RMs reading this. Have you experienced the same doubts I have? I feel like sometimes I am not worthy of miracles and rich blessings because I'm simply not as full-time dedicated to the work as I once was. I feel less entitled to receiving poignant revelation and direction in my actions because now they, my actions, are more for my benefit than another.
Now that I have my doubts and insecurities out on the table, allow me to shed what light I've gained on the subject. I went running today with a dear friend. Well...running, then wheezing, then walking, then running again. While we were out, we talked about our lives. As most energy-releasing activities do, I found my ability to evaluate my life and form better goals for myself increasing. I came to a realization that blessings take work. Not because God wants me to prove anything to Him. He already knows what I can and can't do. It is because of two reasons: 1. I need to learn my own limits and 2. blessings stem from exercising agency, which requires work.
I know these thoughts are a little jumbled and for that I apologize. I needed to get these thoughts out so I can let more in. =D Thanks for reading. Tomorrow should offer more clarity.
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