"And if ye receive not the Spirit..."

"...ye shall not teach." (Doctrine and Covenants 42:14). 

Have you ever run into that moment when you feel like you've arrived at that final destination where you can do no wrong? Have you ever hit that moment after being taught specifically that you have not nor will you reach "it" for quite a lot more time? Well, that about sums up my last few days. 

Elder David A. Bednar once invited a woman to ask the Lord where she stands. He cautioned her, however, to remember what it was she was really asking for and to prepare herself for a brutally honest experience. I decided to take that challenge and ask exactly how I was doing. The response? I am starting to better understand the significance of putting to action what we learn. God trusts us a lot with the knowledge He gives us. He expects us to act according to the understanding of our hearts. This is why Moroni invites the reader of the Book of Mormon to "...ask God, in the name of Christ, with a sincere heart and real intent..." Without that "real intent," there is no reason to have knowledge added upon our heads. I am convinced that Heavenly Father does not deal in random trivia. He knows we only need pure, simple doctrine that will point us to salvation. 

Well I decided that I wanted to know, but not to do. Not that it was too hard, but that I simply didn't want to put forth the effort required. I had been so richly instructed these last few weeks that I almost forgot the importance of acting on what I was learning. I let it slide through the cracks of my life. Today it all sort of blew up in my face. I knew exactly when my prayers where not sincere. I felt immediately that I had not adequately prepared. And most of all, I was shaken by the very doubts and fears that had haunted me before I had figured out how to combat them. It frightened me. I felt very vulnerable and almost alone. It was after teaching that a piercing thought came to my mind, "how can I teach you more when you will not experiment and experience what you have already been taught?" Talk about a firm rebuking. I knew that it simply wouldn't do to keep making goals that I didn't intend to keep. I also knew that I needed to make meaningful goals and keep them if I was to progress anymore. So I sit (because I'm not standing while typing this) here with a repentant heart. I will do better. "And there's nuttin' you girls can do about it!"

Time to Organize

There is a level of organization and concreteness when one write's one's thoughts down. There is a level of commitment and determination when those written thoughts are then published for anyone to see. This is me holding myself accountable to the things I know.

It's been quite a few weeks since I have blogged. In those past few weeks, I allowed myself to become idle, lazy and otherwise, "not a wise servant" (Doctrine and Covenants 58:26-29). I won't go into unnecessary detail but suffice it to say that my movement was digression rather than progression. It has been in the last few days that I have realized this lack of proactiveness and decided to do something about it. As teachers in the MTC, we have been focusing a lot on holiness. What I have learned in my studies of this is how much being holy requires us to use our personal agency to gain and use the power of the Atonement.

Now this sounds really cool and all, but what do I do about it? Well, with it being summer and all, there are plenty of opportunities to waste time. Time wasted on social networking sites, mindless websites and random games on my phone, is time that I could have spent cultivating new talents, learning something new from history or science, discovering, spending time with friends or simply cleaning my apartment. I am on my way to make a plan that will motivate and provide an opportunity for me to avoid wasting time and focus on the things that are most important. I'll let you know how that plan goes.

I don't have much else to say today, other than thank you for reading. I slipped into a dangerous place but I am in the process of rising back up again. :)